Thursday, April 23, 2009

Your Boardshorts Would Look Good on My Floor…

There are very few people in my life that I told myself I wouldn’t blog about—especially in a way where all you people know my business. Each have a different reason, different purpose, or even because it may hurt their little hearts to read what I actually think about them in my shenanigans of my life. BoardShortsLovah is a partial exception (because that boy holds a dear place in my world and its nonya business.)

New (not really) guy: BoardShortsLovah
How’d he get his name: He loves his board shorts and thinks that they really are both classy and a staple in his everyday wardrobe.
How we met? Through Dirrrty
In person meeting: This really is time number four for romping around with BSL. We met originally over some dinner and coins with Dirrrty and ShadyD.

BSL started as a one time occurrence, which graduated into text message flirtation, into my outta state booty call and trust me… that boy lives up to his name. He comes in on a blaze of glory on a Boeing 737, gets me out of the house (and really late into work), shakes his groove thing, gets his swerve on, and then the next day he’s back being awesome… in another state.

I won’t give you the glorious details on my time with BSL, but there is always a funny ass story that comes along with me…

So, BSL won’t admit it but he LOVES coin night! So, whenever he comes into town, his choice of things to do is to get his freak on (dancing… pervs!) and watch the ridiculousness that comes with the location. Typically, I only know one person there, but CyberStalker doesn’t talk to me when BSL is around since it means I won’t “dabble” in what she’s selling. But Tuesday was the exception…

I knew three other people:
Two were from (both were… BLAH! And when I say “know” them- it means they cyber flirt with me on and I’m gingerly DENIED them all KSBS access…)

And the other is BigPeepMan!!!

Here’s your cliff notes on BPM:
Introduced by family member, date number one- BORING, date number two- HOLY HELL! That man was sooooo inappropriate… he’s like an even more exaggerated version of CaptainClap:

-Talked about his peep size and how long and strong he is.
-Mentioned that black men (I was much more politically correct than he was) must love me and my ass.
-Informs me that he’s slept with over 200 women! (that’s a blatant lie since seeing his face will let you know that beer goggles cannot cover this…)
-Tells me that he can service me in ways that I couldn’t dream about.
-Text messages after date number two reminding me of his manhood size.

So, considering that I earn my stripes as the dancing drunk girl… this night was no different. I’m doing my typical kissy faced booty shaking on BSL (don’t worry Pinch, you are still my favorite dance partner!) and sure enough as BSL goes to dance with TripleT that BPM came up to dance up on me, asked me ‘why my “boyfriend” would leave a “hot girl” like me alone on a dance floor of “men who wants to f- me”’ and proceeded to grab my ass like it was his own. This would have been one of those moments that Pinch would have loved to see the sheer horror on my face. I informed him that my ass was my own and his hands were not welcome… and that this “boyfriend” he speaks of is damn none of his business. But it might have sounded less lady like…

Even with thirty-five different ways of telling him to go screw himself—he still asked me out for Friday night. I guess I’m an idiot because the drunker I got, the answer stopped being no and was yes. (only because I heard Pinch in my head!) [no worries to my safety: I’ve officially canceled my date #3…]

It still shocked the shit out of me that this man would even still talk to me. I’ve answered no to six more date invitations, 16 inappropriate text messages, and ignored countless phone calls. I get that in the

Oh shit, it just occurred to me! When did I become the prey for this guy?!? Am I the sweet nectar that denies him? Who doesn’t want a piece of this?! (…and now I know my ego has spent too much time with Pinch and peterpan. ;))

Well, long story short… adore BSL more than words, but since he’s over 550 miles away—I’m thankful for my long distance booty call and can check that off my list of methods.

Couple big, big shout-out to:
BrutallyHonest! I know that you want me to get over this crap of blogging and being so damn detached, but I think after I let you in on my issues with a certain unblogworthy subject—that you get my motives for this blog. (And yes, if BSL lived back in Fort Myers— my answer would be VERY different to your question. But it is what it is and you just gotta love me for it!)
Dirrrty… thanks for being an awesome roomie and being an awesome friend for picking my drunkass up. I owe you one now!

Tonight: date with a very inappropriate man…

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