I’ve really contemplated on how I’d really be able to write about this weekend. Yes, there were some crap parts (match.com has screwed me over again! BASTARDS…), but all together it was BLOGWORTHY since it was such a trainwreck!
So, enjoy my first blogged piss poor escapade:
New guy: DJQualls (thanks to CaptainClap for the phenomenal, yet fitting name)
How’d he get his name: Based purely on his looks… he was an even more disturbing version of the guy from The New Guy.
How we met? Match.com
In person meeting: Fort Myers Beach Bar, Uninvited, 11pm at night @ Geeks N Freaks party for ImNoAngel’s birthday, where I learned that emo and angst is smokin’ HOT on Pinch (schwwwwwwwing!)…
I’m sure this guy has some redeeming qualities to someone, yet speaking for me… HeLLLLLLLLL to the no!
PROS: (because come on… everyone has something) He’s able to have a solid conversation with my sporadic ass (but only on the phone… when I couldn’t smell his BO!), takes a decent picture (which proved me to be a liar, since he was NOT good looking in person!), can give a compliment like it’s his job, and most surprising, he didn’t run like hell when he saw all of the idiots that are my group of friends dressed in ridiculous attire.
CONS: (holy shit… this is going to be LONG!) He has piss poor physical features that I feel need to be named: hair (wow… how is it possible to have a comb forward with that poor of a blonde dye job?!), teeth (braces should have been essential), tattoo placement (now, I can’t be judgy with this… I’m the proud owner of a tramp stamp, but really a chest tattoo?!), he’s super duperr skinny (KFBS loves a little meat on their bones while getting some meat during the bone… if you know what I’m sayin’), and here is the kicker… READY FOR IT?!? He had terrible BO! Not a slight smell… more like “vomit-in-my-mouth-this-must-be-what-hell-smells-like” body odor! Not cool for a girl who loves the way a man smells…
Thinking about it now, I would have rather been dutch-ovened by peterpan… (well, maybe that’s a stretch, since the smell that comes out of her ass is typically just as torturous…) But you get the damn point.
So, he was not invited out… To be honest, I’d hope that no one I knew or would be interested into exploiting “blogstyle” would see me mocking the 13 year old teenage version of myself. But sure enough, unattractive and smelly DJQualls showed up at the bar to meet lil’ ol angsty me… and as soon as he got there, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and listened to his ridiculous stories and obvious bullshit. I faked laughed a little too much, which gave him the in that he must have thought I was interested in his shenanigans… until finally after an hour and a half of him not getting ready to leave, I needed someone to “Captain Save-A-Hoe” my dumbass.
So here’s the lesson of the evening, folks: I love my friends dearly, but I’ve learned Pinch loves to leave me in uncomfortable situations (love him despite!), peterpan gives a solid attempt, but has shiny ball syndrome (what a cute little boy she was!), but the obvious awesomeness comes from Jabba’s hot girlfriend, RedHotPants, telling me she’d make out with me to get him to hit bricks.
Now, isn’t that sweet?! I contemplated it (hello, she’s hot as hell…), but decided against it since all I could picture was New Years and the likelihood of getting some tongue… Intern style. Barf, tongue, barf, tongue, rinse, repeat… gross!
(Lesson: you are only as good of a kisser as you kiss… think about that!)
So, I knew what I had to do to get him to leave, ignoring someone that came to see you and making googly eyes at Pinch and peterpan (even though neither of them realized it…) must have made him realize that I was NOT INTERESTED at all! He decided it was time to go… but wouldn’t you know it not too long after he left—I got a nice text message asking me out on a date for this week! Damnit man!
Rating: 2 (thanks ONLY to the fact that he laughs at my stupid ass jokes! Come on dude… even I know I’m really not that funny!)
So, here’s the poll to my readers:
Should I go out with him again?
Old habits die hard,